whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
