420 ftw
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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