If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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