He kissed a someone with a penis
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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