He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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