I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
