first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
