SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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