Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize