I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
