you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
