No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
