I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
