So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
