Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
