why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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