i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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