i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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