He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
