Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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