Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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