I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
