he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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