mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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