so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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