i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
