After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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