that's an acceptable place to lick
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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