so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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