and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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