I wish I only lived at night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
