I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
