his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
