dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
