I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
