I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i dont even know how to be here
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize