no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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