I feel like abortions should bother me more
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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