and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
