twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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