I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
