It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
