I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
