if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize