During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
