I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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