Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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