I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was like eating out sand paper
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
