My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
