Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
