I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
