I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
