there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
