In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
