I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
