Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
