Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
