Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize