What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
