I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
