hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
