and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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