Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
