so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
