I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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