genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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