Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
