i would punch a child for taco bell
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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