Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
