My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
