Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
