im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
