I'm jealous of your bromance
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
