she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize