The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
