My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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