if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
