I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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