I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize