My cat gives me a boner
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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