i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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