i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
