we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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