what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
