tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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