i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
