if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
birth control should be required to get into college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
