He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
