So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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