i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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