Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
