I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize