its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
