Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
