matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize