waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
