After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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