I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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