I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
