yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
