I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
