Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
